My Little Fighter

“Poor guy… only 2 years old but have been through so much already”.

That was what Dr. Yeo the vet said to me yesterday when I brought Cuteness in for a checkup as he was not eating. She’s right. He has been through so much in his 2 years. He lost all his family. 2 of his siblings died the first few weeks they were born. His mother left him at my house and before he was even a year old, his only surviving sister died of unknown reason.
After surviving his first year without any serious illnesses, a few months after he turned 2, he was diagnosed with 2 fatal infections on separate occasions and I just found out a possibility of him being diagnosed with a 3rd also fatal infection. After having survived the first one and still fighting with the 2nd illness, I don’t know if I have the strength or the courage to face the 3rd though I hope and I pray that Cuteness does. He is my little fighter after all.
But I pray even harder that he won’t even get that infection. Not that I won’t be there for him if he does. It’s just that I cannot bear to see him suffer. He’s been hospitalized twice and was put on house arrest twice. Now he will be kept inside permanently because of his condition although I know how much he loves to go out. My baby who once has a voracious appetite and who was slightly overweight is now losing weight rapidly and has to be force feed because he won’t eat on his own. On top of that, he has to take his medication.
I hate putting him through such stress but I don’t know what else to do. All I know is that I can’t just stand by and watch him deteriorate and not do anything. I hate having to say no to him every time he wants to go outside. I hate having to hold him down just to feed him or to give him a drink or worse to force some pills down his throat. I hate seeing him so tired and listless but most of all, I hate feeling so helpless and how every time I look into his eyes all I can think is about losing him.
Some people don’t understand why this is such a big deal. He is just a cat after all. The mention of a cat being hospitalized and having leukemia might seem cute or funny to some people but there is nothing cute or funny about it. The cats and their illnesses are as real as you and me. And they do feel pain and suffer though they are good at hiding it. It’s not a joke. I’m not angry and I’m not blaming. I appreciate the fact that some people are fond of some things and some other people are fond of other things but I do hope that they also appreciate that some people have pets and those pets are loved, cared for and are very much a part of the family and when something or someone that you care deeply about is seriously sick, I’m sure you will do everything you can to make them better. And on the unfortunate occasion that you do lose them, you will grieve. And I’m sure as hell I can’t find anything funny about caring for and/or losing something you love, whatever or whoever it may be.