Mother'S DaY...

In conjunction with mothers day this month (May), I’m gonna dedicate this to my mother, who’s no longer with me.
My mum passed away a few years back and I’ve never stopped missing her since but with mother’s day approaching, I realize now that not only do I miss her but I really do need her more than I have ever admitted or would like to admit. Maybe it was because back then I was still very much a kid and not much was going thru my life and I didn’t need any advice on anything that I couldn’t ask my dad about or anything that I couldn’t figure out for myself. Or maybe I was trying to be strong.
As I grow older, I begin to find out that there’s so much that I still don’t know and there’s only so much thing a girl can ask her dad about and trying to figure stuff on your own can be overwhelming and may even lead to disastrous result, as I have learned, the hard way. At the age of 22, I realize that I’m still very much a baby who needs her mother to guide her every step of the way. The only problem is that I don’t have that luxury. And I also learned that I don’t need to be strong all the time. Sometimes it’s okay to be scared.
As old as I am, I wish that I have my mum with me to advise me about boys. How do I know that he likes me? Would it be okay if I call him first? Should I ask him out? How do I know if he is the right one for me? How long should I stay mad at him? Bla, bla, bla…
As grown up as I think I am, there was never a time that the little girl inside of me didn’t secretly wish that I have my mum to make me feel better when I am sick. Or to tell me to take my medication on time or even to tell me that I’m making a big fuss out of a little papercut.
As independent as I believe I am, I still need my mum to help me make the right choices in life from the very petty, every day things like what should I wear today or if that top looks good on me to the more serious life altering decisions.
I want my mum to be at all of my tournaments, my plays to cheer for me, to support me. I want her to read my poems, my essays so she could tell me what she thinks, whether she like it or not or whether she thinks that I can be a good writer some day. I need to know whether she is proud of me. Cause I do wanna make her proud.
And sometimes, I just wish that she’s here simply because I miss her.
I’m grateful to have had her for my mum even if it was for a short while cuz there was so much she had given me. She had given me courage, strength and she taught me how to be independent.
I owe you so much, mum. I always have and always will love you. I’ll remember you always in my prayers and I hope to keep seeing you in my dreams. And I’ll make you proud, you’ll see.

p/s never forget to always let your mother knows how much u love her cuz she won’t be around forever and you’ll regret it if you don’t 